Ever notice how much you check your phone?

It's like it's always there, from when you wake up to when you go to bed. But sometimes, it feels like our phones control us more than we control them like we're stuck in a game we can't stop playing.

Think about it: you wake up and the first thing you do is grab your phone, almost like it's calling you. Throughout the day, it's buzzing with messages and distracting us. And at night, it's the last thing we look at before we sleep.

But have you ever thought about who's really in charge?

It’s like the phone is glued to my hand and I keep checking it because I feel like it has something I need but that feeling never goes away.

This is a major problem, we brush it off because everyone does it. Have you ever tried driving at night when it was very foggy in the pitch darkness?

The only thing giving you a sense of direction was the road studs. You know the little yellow neon reflectors.

You see a lot of us live like this daily, operating in a mental haze. trying to figure it out. Why the hell am I stuck in life? Having no clue as to why you can’t reach your goals, why your relationships are falling apart. Why you can’t seem to have the financial freedom maybe successfully grow your business?

The answer is simply really. SHOW ME YOUR SCREEN TIME. I will show you your life.

In today’s instant microwave society.. having the ability to stay focused for a long period gives you an unfair advantage. Everyone is just struggling to pay attention and perform simple tasks because we are so conditioned to instant gratification. One of the biggest leading causes is the addiction to your phone. this is causing worldwide issues of increasing anxiety depression and short-term attention spans but it's not your fault it's not even your phone's fault it's the apps within your phone that causes this addiction combined with a lack of clear boundaries.

Why are we so addicted?

So firstly why are we so hooked to our phones why do we feel that desperate need to check our phones every 5 minutes throughout the day?

It’s because of dopamine. The neurotransmitter that plays a big role in giving you motivation to act out your behaviors. Now if you repeat a behavior long enough it eventually becomes a habit. Think of turning on the light in the bathroom, the same spot you put on your shoes when you get home. or the right turn you take every morning during your drive to work.

Doing that daily repetition becomes so ingrained into your brain. You don’t even think about you just operate on autopilot. In the book Atomic Habits, James Clear defines habits as being built from a 4-step process.

(1) Que

(2) Craving

(3) Response

(4) Reward

CUE

So, Cue thinks of this as pulling the trigger to start a chain reaction. Anything can be a trigger the sight, the smell, the taste, the behavior, whatever it is that triggers your brain to initiate a behaviour. It is information that predicts a reward.

Craving

Next is Craving Which is your body or brain's response to that cue. They are the motivational force behind every habit. Without some level of motivation or desire – without craving a change – we have no reason to act. What you crave is not the habit itself but the state change it delivers.

Smokers don’t crave smoking a cigarette, they crave the feeling of relief it provides.

You are not motivated by brushing your teeth but rather by the feeling of a clean mouth.

You do not want to turn on Netflix, you want to be entertained. Every craving is linked to a desire to change your internal state.

Response

The third step is the response. which is your brain or body's reaction to that craving. The response is the actual habit you perform, which can take the form of a thought or an action

Reward

And lastly, is the reward. The purpose of rewards is to satisfy your craving. So in the incase of cellphone addiction.

It would play out like this. the Que- you hear a notification the craving- ( your brain releases dopamine) you want to feel good. the response- you reach for the phone, your heart rate increases your mind starts to race, and think about what is behind that notification, what is behind that new YouTube video, what is on Instagram did anyone comment or like on my new video. Reward- The reward is the video itself; It’s finding out what's behind that notification that releases again a little bit of dopamine upon completing the behavior.

Now Once you have done this enough times, you further imprint footstep that leads to neural pathways associated with that behavior. Which eventually becomes a habit that is difficult to break. According to Heath Line. It can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic.

You've probably noticed when you use your phone, it's in situations when things become difficult, unclear, or downright uncomfortable. The phone becomes a gateway. It provides you with an instant stop source of comfort.

Shoot! When you don't want to feel a certain emotion you can distract yourself with virtually anything you want. within seconds… So why would you not? You can't blame your brain for doing that. So don't blame your brain; blame what I'm about to tell you, Which is your lack of boundaries around your phone. Your boundaries with your friends, loved ones, hell even strangers. So now it’s time to have them with your phone.

Five Parameters for Success

I am going to teach you the 5 parameters. I used to create speedbumps, roadblocks, and detours for myself and my clients to curve their phone addiction. These roadblocks have been designed to create friction so that you can remove, most importantly, the cue.

Remember cue, craving, response, reward. Cue is the first step. If you remove that step, then, of course, the rest of the steps can't be done. So, you need to add friction into your day and into using your phone.

How do we do that?

Creating Physical and Digital Distance 

Picture this: your day begins, and the first thing you do is reach for your phone to check those notifications. But what if we introduced a physical and digital buffer?

Imagine placing your phone farthest away from you when you wake up, maybe even in another room, turned off. Like most people, You probably have your phone next to you every minute of the day. So, whenever you're doing focused work in the office or whatever the case may be, have your phone furthest away from you in a room and turn it off. By doing this You're creating two friction points there. Number one, you have to physically get out of your office or wherever you are, walk out, and grab your phone. The other friction point is turning on your phone. By doing this, you're not only creating a physical barrier but also an intentional pause, a moment to decide whether to engage with your phone or focus on your morning routine. I know what you're probably thinking, "Ricardo I have to use my phone for work." If that's the case, get a boring old iPhone. I have done that for my work, and I only have work-related apps on that. 

Kill the Craving: Delayed Gratification for Deep Work 

Now, cravings – those urges to dive into your phone – are inevitable. Especially during the early stages of trying to break this habit. It's like that tempting aroma when you're on a diet. In your case, the craving to check your phone might be at its peak when you've just completed something hard and you want a little “pick me up”. Let's turn this craving into a challenge. Try setting a rule: no phone until at least midday. And here's the catch – only if you've dedicated a solid two hours to focused work. Trust me, those initial moments of resisting the urge are crucial. It's a battle against instant gratification, and by delaying the reward, you're building resilience. Some of you might say, "I use my phone to wake up." You should not be doing that anyway. You should be using either a digital alarm or a combination of a digital alarm if you really need to get up and a light alarm so that you can wake up most naturally. Because if you have your phone as an alarm like most people, you're going to go on your phone in the morning; it's just going to happen. It's a natural reaction. 

Change the Response: Planning for Success Original Text:

So, now we've tackled the cue and suppressed the craving. What's next? Roadblock number 3 Changing the response. Here's where planning becomes your secret weapon. Ever heard the phrase ^"failing to plan is planning to fail"?

Imagine this: the night before, you sit down and craft a roadmap for your next day. Your tasks, goals, and priorities are neatly laid out. When you wake up, you're armed with a plan, and your phone is still blissfully tucked away, creating a buffer zone between the cue and your response. It's like having a compass. Your tasks guide you, helping you navigate through your day without falling prey to the seductive whispers of your phone. By the time the afternoon rolls around, you've not only stayed on course but also achieved a sense of accomplishment. 

Lessen the Reward: Creating Friction for Apps Original Text:

It's afternoon, you've put in work followed through with your plan, and now, it's time to face the inevitable – your phone. But here's where you flip the script on the reward. Roadblock number 4 is to diminish the reward. Now a lot of productivity guys will say, let’s make these addictive apps work for your attention. Tuck them away in folders, making you swipe several times to the right. You know Creating layers of digital obstacles. It's like a game you play with yourself. creating friction right? I know when

I TRIED THIS WITHIN THE 15-20 SECONDS IT TOOK I DIDN’T CARE I JUST WANTED MY FIX. BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS ADDCIITNG AND MAKES ME FEEL GOOD.

So Honestly I would bypass all of that and just go straight to App blockers, I use one called Opal. so. Unfortunately, it’s not free but it’s the best in THE GAME IN MY opinion. FOR app blockers. No, you might ask what; ‘s different compared to the native screen time app on Apple devices. You can set screen time limits and deep and focused work sessions. The beauty about is you can’t just disable it like the native screentime app. Consider this a digital gatekeeper who keeps you accountable and questions your intent. Do you want to unlock that app? Depending on the settings you choose. this can and a moment a minute or hours of pause, a chance for you to reconsider. It's creating friction, turning instant gratification into a conscious choice. 

Perform a Weekly Detox: Breaking the Chains

This is your weekly reset button. Pick whatever day makes sense to you Midweek, the end of the week. My personal detox day is Sunday. I use this to a be day of Sabbath to recharge and prepare myself for the week ahead. Imagine a Sunday when your phone takes a back seat. You wake up and decide, "Today, I'm going to spend my time more intentionally.".

it's a digital detox, a day dedicated to real connections and meaningful experiences. Plan activities, engage with loved ones, or dive into a hobby. Break free from the screen's clutches. As you immerse yourself in the day, you'll start to notice the subtle grip of your phone loosening. It's a gradual process, but a powerful one. By consistently dedicating Sundays to a phone-free experience, you create a clear boundary between you and your device. It's not just about detoxing for a day; it's about reclaiming your time and attention. This intentional break sets the tone for the upcoming week, making it easier to stick to your other roadblocks.